i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
