stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
