'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
