Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
