**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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