Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i barfeds in our rink
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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