stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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