i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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