I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
