I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
