last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize