Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
