A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
