she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize