omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
