I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He shit in the fireplace
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
