O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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