I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
