do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
