so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
