I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want nice things and good sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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