so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
