I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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