Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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