the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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