he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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