he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
