i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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