My balls are so social today.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
