if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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