Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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