yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
