im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
