He kissed a someone with a penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
