my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
