i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
