that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
