Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
