I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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