Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
