As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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