This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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