I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
