we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
