Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
