he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
