Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
