I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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