He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
