I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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