Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
