i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
