he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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