i want to swaddle you in tequila
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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