I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
