he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
