4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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