This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
