yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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