Apparently you make a good broom.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
