I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize