my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
