Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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