So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
