Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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