My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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