Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
