Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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