Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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