I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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