Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
