Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
