Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize