Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
