whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
