I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
