you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
