put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
