No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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