it's too hot outside to masturbate.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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