I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
