my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
