we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
