We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
These tits shall not be calmed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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