i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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