dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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