I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
