I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
