K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
