I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we made out on top of his cat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
