Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
