yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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