I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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