If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
