omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
