Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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