pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
