Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
