it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
