I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
