did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
